Whatever Happened to Chivalry?

Posted: June 17, 2012 in General
Tags: ,

A story was related to me recently about a person who had the audacity to call an associate of his the “C” word.  Making the moment even more audacious was the fact that this particular runt did so in front of the woman’s husband.  Before I go on and give a little personal input as to the several things that were wrong with the situation, a little context is in order.

The two folks are the most vocal members of a  local organization.  The small minded one with the potty mouth has created a bit of an infamous life for himself in the military community here.  The offended one has been his ally in the group and their representation in the city and on Fort Bragg.  While I may not care very much for the manner in which they choose to represent their activism from a leadership perspective, I do believe the group as a whole is beneficial and could just do with a change in the body of folks that govern it (this particular revelation of mine is recent as I have come to know several members of the group through other events and through friends in other organizations I am familiar with).  Since my dislike for the one with the limited and offensive vocabulary tends to run in both the personal AND the professional arenas, that is about as much information as I am going to give so as not to cross the line between the two, too much anyway.

Okay, now back to my input to how this situation came out.  I will attempt to break this down by the numbers and give my analysis of what the outcome was vice what it should have been.

1. There is nothing wrong with arguments between the sexes, even ones in which the language may be colorful.  However, the use of words describing the sexual anatomy of a woman, is one of the lines that should never be crossed.  No matter what company you are in at the time.

2.  Use of such language should never be done in front of the persons husband.  Just simply the fact that the offending word came out of the mouth should make you wonder why there was not an active filter upon the pie-hole to stop that word from being formed into sound.  A normal man, regardless of how angry he may be, even if that word is splashing upon his conscious mind like a neon sign, has a verbal filter that translates thoughts into a more palatable bit of terminology.  It my still be offensive, yet the filter should change those forbidden words into something in the every day lexicon of the heated argument.  If it does not, you should really question yourself.

3.  I. personally, am all about my wife fighting her own battles.  Women for decades have fought to be heard and I do believe they have the right to be so.  This is especially true among my fellow uniform wearers.  I do draw the line though when there is the possibility or likelihood of physical interaction and when I am in direct sight and sound of someone who uses language that is as demeaning as the “C” word.  More than likely there will not even be any notice on my part, just pure instinctive reaction resulting in the offending party not realizing they had done anything wrong until they are picked up off the floor.

4.  Any husband, boyfriend, significant other, or passer-by who is witness to the verbal, physical or psychological abuse of someone needs to intervene.  My personal opinion is the closer you are in relation to the person who is on the receiving end, the more swift and painful the intervention you should deliver.  Just like when you were little and your parents told you, you would get hurt doing something and you did not believe them, then you were hurt doing whatever you were doing.  The next time you add just a little bit of thought to your endeavor and maybe, just maybe, if it was painful enough you get that little bell going off in your head that you are just not cut out for that type of thing.  A good swift beating to a bully can/may/should allow them to rethink their priorities when next presented with a similar situation ( I am not advocating violence as a means of solving problems) (in all cases anyway). 🙂

5.  Each and every circumstance is slightly different.  Your application of personal chivalry could be from the placing of a coat across the mud puddle for a lady to cross, to judicious application of violence in protection of her honor.  The point is, you should take some action, not just sit there and then spout off your ire later about the events that happened.  Anger in retrospect is useless other than for a tool to figure out where you personally went wrong in the situation, especially since the offending party has not only already walked away with not only your wife’s honor, but your as well and then they also own a spot in your head.

I work in a brotherhood of arms that has a heritage going back hundreds of years, even well before America was settled.  Much of that brotherhood was developed from the code of chivalry.  The European titled class had it, the Japanese Samurai had it, even the clans and tribes of the rest of the world had it.  Chivalry was a code that gave some common sense rules, rules that went beyond legal action or rule of law, they were rules of how you were to treat people.  This treatment was extended to your enemies, your friends, and especially to those with whom you are responsible for directly.  You can find some remnants of the old chivalric code in just about every code of conduct out there today.

Ladies, I do not mean to try and throw the advancements you have worked so hard to earn back a hundred years by my words here.  Each and every day women break the stereotypes about them and exceed the standards; physically, mentally and every other way.  I know some seriously bad-ass women that would cause me to rethink why I may be in confrontation with them.  Not because they are women, but because they are, pretty bad-ass.  No matter how bad-ass a woman may be, if I am there to witness the demeaning talk or physical confrontation between her and some dumb-ass who does not have a filter on their pie-hole, at a minimum, I am going to stand up, and yes, let the peacock feathers display a little bit and at least let her know that there is someone who has her back.  She deserves it, she has worked for it, as have all the women who came before her.  When it comes to my wife and my daughters however, feel free to argue, I understand some colorful language ( I tend to run to the potty mouth myself when the blood pressure goes up a bit in a spirited debate), but look carefully at me when you use that language and remember the look on my face just before you experience the ass whooping that is coming your way.  Remembering that look just might save you from a more severe beating the next time you let your mouth runaway from you.

Ladies, chivalry is not dead.  Much like everything we have known for the last couple of decades, it has evolved.  Chivalry no longer has a gender role.  It is that person who lets you know that you are not on your own.  It does come with a cost though, you have to pass it forward if you are the recipient of such an act.  That is all, no other strings attached.  That is except may the satisfaction of giving a runt a punt to the gunt when he uses words that rhyme with those about your significant other in your presence 🙂

  1. Storm M. Silvermane says:

    Dude, I wish I had more time to hang around you. You are the epitome of what I believe a man should be like.


  2. John Nichols says:

    Well I honestly can’t say that I have not had a few obscenity laced tirades. I try to keep in mind who I am dealing with when I open my “pie hole”. My late grand parents taught me some manners and would not tolerate me treating any women in that fashion. It could be that the other groups potty mouth was never taught to respect others or he is just a narcissist who only cares about himself and could care less about the feelings of others unless they support his ego.


    • @John,

      There is something to be said for some good old fashioned “home learning” or lack there of. I would bet ego was a major part of this particular verbal assault. When you have been allowed to run amok and gone unchecked, your infamy lets you think you can get away with anything.

      This person has definitely not been put in check by the powers that be. In fact they have used his misguided direction as a means to cry foul when there have been attempts made to do so.

      A nice colorful tirade is something spectacular to behold. I think of the little boys rant on ‘A Christmas Story’ as he beat up the bully. Sometimes that stuff has just got to come out. There is a line that is pretty clear and there are words that are just not acceptable. There is at least one for each demographic. I may need to come up with a “George Carlin” like list to put out there for folks.


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